I'm confused.
With probably everything.
For the past few days I've been convincing myself that it was all a big fat joke, a Hows-That-You-Lazy-Kid practical joke while at the same time telling myself not to let go of the fear that it may all been true.
And now I'm totally confused.
It seems that I've got myself screwed over big time. But what if they just hadn't change anything? Or they had made everything right so I actually have no one to condemn or to whine about or to keep hope (that it's all a joke) for? All the what-ifs and maybes for a person who's unwilling to accept the fact of failure.
Even if, lets cut straight to the worst case scenario, what difference does it make?
As long as I'm decisive enough, what difference does it make toward my entire life plan as a whole?
Yet here I am as neurotic as I can be.
As prone-to-self-pitty as I can be.
I feel like I'm examining things under a fractured microscope,
with every conflict within my mind disturbing what I see, all the examinees (in consideration of my possible future career change I suppose this usage of word is adequate) are distorted.
Maybe getting my hands on a tactical evaluating software used by the military, let it sort things out for me would be a better option. I'm too vulnerable under such phychological circumstances.
Come somebody to my rescue?
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